Not Just a Mom

Last night Chod brought me home flowers. Sweet, yes, but not the point of this story. As I was arranging them in a vase, Bentley and Lincoln were questioning my every move.

"Why are you cutting them?" (So they'll be able to drink the water.)

"Why are you doing that?" (These are called guard petals and they're ugly so I'm peeling them off.)

Chod told them to calm down, that I was a plant scientist, and knew what I was doing. Bentley looked at me in shock and asked, "Wait, did you graduate?"

I told him that I had, indeed, graduated and then he turned to Chod to see if I was telling the truth.

Later, he curled up to me on the couch and told me that he never even knew that I was smart.

I'm not sure what graduating means to him, or even what he thinks that I have graduated from (high school? kindergarten? college?). But no matter. Whatever it is, it's enough for me to be more than just a mom in his eyes.

A Cheetah's Spots

This morning I walked into the office to find an uncapped permanent marker sitting on the desk. Immediately I surveyed the surroundings looking for graffiti. But there wasn't any to be seen. So I capped the marker and put it away. Not long after Bentley came walking in with the most ridiculous makeup on I had ever seen! I asked if it was permanent marker and started laughing, because really what else was I supposed to do. Then I saw Lincoln! They said they were cheetahs and the black by their eyes lets them see through the sun so they can spot lions from far away. And it made my day. I Facetimed Deidra and my parents and Deid and Mom where both laughing so hard they were crying. Then I showed Chod, who really didn't know what to say. When I asked if I should start scrubbing right then he said, "No, I think you should embellish it first." We let the boys wear their cheetah spots all day, and they even made appearances in a few stores. But tonight Chod took rubbing alcohol to it and the cheetahs lost their spots. But we sure enjoyed them while they lasted!

Get a Tourniquet

Yesterday was a gorgeous day. A windows down kind of day.

We were leaving IKEA and almost to the car when Bentley somehow cut his finger on a nearby parked car. The cut was about the size of a papercut with a drop or two of visible blood. I told him to hop in and I'd look for a band-aid. I started my half-hearted hunt as Chod started the car and we headed on our way, with the windows down and the sunroof open. By the time we had made it out of the parking lot and onto the road Bentley was hysterically yelling at us to roll-up the windows. We couldn't figure out why a little fresh air was such a big deal to him, but he continued to yell about the windows and then something about how blood stains. It wasn't until after Chod had rolled up all windows and closed the sunroof that we put it all together.

He was afraid the wind coming through the open windows was going to splatter blood all over and stain his clothes and the car.

Chod turned to me, "How bad is this cut? Does he need a tourniquet?"

This is English?

Chod and I were a little late joining the Downton Abbey craze, but caught up through Amazon Prime and were watching the most recent episode Sunday night.

Lincoln joined us, wrapped in a towel, after his bath. After watching for a few minutes he turned to me and asked, "What language are they speaking?"

I answered, "English."

"English? This is English? Do I speak English?"

Maybe I found it really funny because sometimes I have a hard time deciphering what they are saying too. Dang those British accents!

I Spy

I don't know if this story is about winning I Spy or how to get new clothes while out shopping, as taught by the master Lincoln.

Last night the boys and I were in Target while Chod was teaching his class. Both of the boys were in the back of the shopping cart (in the basket) playing I Spy as I wandered around the store. 

It was Lincoln's turn. "I spy P."

Bentley, "P? You see a P? Where's a P?"

Lincoln, "There." As he pointed between his legs just in time for us to watch it turn dark and pee stream to the floor.

Bentley freaked out, "LINCOLN!! You have to tell Mom when you need to go potty!" And Lincoln seemed completely unfazed by it all, in fact I think he was smug about it.

When 12 Became the Magic Number

During a conversation with Bentley about junk food this afternoon, I mentioned that we should eat less of it.

Without missing a beat Bentley asked, "Do you know what is less than 12?"

"What?"

"Five. Five is less than 12, so we should just eat 5 cookies."

Amelia, Amalia

The day before Deidra and Chris learned what their little nugget was I asked Chod, "What if they have a girl and they steal my name?"

You see, Deidra and I have been fighting over Amelia Grace for a long time with the agreement of the first one there gets to use it. Amelia and Grace were 2 of our great grandma's and Chod had a great, great grandma named Amalia (A-mah-li-a), so I figured we had double reason to use the name.

I guess to comfort me Chod said, "That's okay, she can have Amelia. We'll name our girl Amalia."

Cause that wouldn't cause confusion.

My house is bigger than your house

Today, Bentley told me that he wishes we would move.

Into a teeny tiny little house.

Because he is tired of having to live in a big huge house.

So there.

Lincoln's Stache

Lincoln was born with a mustache. For reals. I've joked that he will have to shave to go to kindergarten.

He still has a few years until then, but he found Chod's travel razor and has been shaving regularly since.

Sad isn't it?

1 Call That's All

During our 3 hours at IKEA last Saturday (that's a seriously long time) with two tired boys, Bentley told us how we were mean and he wanted a new family a few times.

Chod decided to let him in on a secret. "Bentley, when you want a new family all you have to do is call CPS." He then went on to explain what child protective services is.

And then right there, in the middle of the store, Bentley shouted, "But I don't want CPS to take me!"

Yes, we got a few strange looks.

Why can't he wish for a sno cone?

As we were driving across town tonight I heard Bentley in the back, "I just wish I had my own iPhone."  And "Mom, I want an iPhone."

It continued for a little while before I joined with a "Me too."

I thought that would end the wish, but then he said, "Hey, I've got an idea! How about in the morning--Thursday morning we go to the store and we get you an iPhone and me an iPhone."

Not only is that probably not going to happen, but it is flat out not happening.

Last Sunday Visit

Dear Home Teachers,

I'm sorry for my children's behavior during your visit this afternoon. The fact that Bentley refused to look at you and walked down the stairs, through the front room, into the kitchen while holding a book in front of his face was rude. His yelling from the kitchen "Mom, are they still here?!" throughout your stay was uncalled for.

And the cotton balls Lincoln shoved in his ears during your message? Well, I'm not sure what that was all about.

I hope next month goes a little better.

Nikkala

My 2 Comedians

We've moved into the stage of preschool jokes with Bentley. Most of them he makes up on the fly and laughs after each, as we are left wondering how his little brain works. Why did the chicken cross the road and Knock-Knock jokes seem to be his specialty. And after the opening line you can see him thinking hard to come up with the next part. Sometimes I laugh, sometimes I don't.

Well, Lincoln, our wants-to-be-big kid has also picked up the joke telling. Yesterday his favorite was:

Knock, knock

Who's there?

Mom!

Mom who?

Dad!

And then it would start again.

Knock, knock

Who's there?

Mom!

Mom who?

Dad!

We really need to work on broadening his vocab.

Do iPads chime?

Chod says he could use an e-reader. Like, um, maybe an iPad.

I bring to his attention that he doesn't read. He can read, he just doesn't. 

And that is exactly why he needs an iPad he says.

So he can listen to audio and read along on the iPad at the same time.

His argument would have gone over much better if he would have started out with "Hey honey, I want an iPad". Instead, I am left wondering if it is the chime letting him know to turn the page that is holding back his reading.

Scheduling out

After a rough night for the little guy, Lincoln and I stayed home from church yesterday.

When he walked through the door after church, Bentley announced, "Next Mother's Day I get to stay home with you!"

Chod is waiting for someone to call dibs on Father's Day with him.

Aren't you cool?

Last week Deidra was over and made a comment to Chod along the lines of, "Well, don't you think you are all cool with your sleeves rolled up?"

And as Chod was unrolling his sleeves he replied, "No, I'm just trying to not look like a dork."

His sleeves hit in the middle of his forearm!

He says he has multiple shirts that the arms have shrunk in. How am I to know? I just wash, iron, and hang them.

It is up to him to not look like a dork.

Should've Known

When asked his favorite color for the past few months, Bentley always responds, "brown and black."

I thought they were an odd choice.

Chod thought it was odd too.

After trying to figure it out on our own, I broke down and asked him why he liked the colors brown and black so much.

"Um, because they are the color of chocolate chip cookies."

It makes perfect sense now.

Lost in translation

"Bentley, go ask dad if he wants to go for a walk and we can make a treat when we get home."

"Okay." As he walks to the bottom of the stairs and yells up.

"Hey Dad, do you want to watch basketball while we make you a treat?!"

Long live our vegetarian

Somewhere Bentley heard a little about hunting (I kinda have an idea where). The other day he told me that "me and my dad are going to go hunting with guns, and we are going to shoot stuff."

Deidra explained that you only shoot stuff that you plan on eating. And shooting means you kill it. "Do you want to eat a dead animal?"

Last night he was telling Chod his plan of taking guns and going hunting.

Chod asked what they were going to shoot.

"Trees."

My little bandito

We were eating dinner when Bentley looked at Chod and with disbelief and maybe a little disgust on his face asked, "Dad, is you kidding me?"

"Am I kidding you about what?"

"Is you kidding me, you really just ate the last tortilla?"

Some moments in this house couldn't be funnier if they were scripted.